Friday, April 29, 2011

A night to set me straight

So once again its been ages since I have blogged.  I am starting to be a blog bum, it feel like.  But I have had alot going on with family and health and just haven't been able to find the time. So I would like to say sorry again for being so sporadic for all my blogging friends.

Now on to my post!

Last night a had a much needed girls night out.  I don't get to many of these any more with 3 kids and well living in a small town not really knowing anyone doesn't help either.  I know it was a Thursday night but I let lose and had a blast.  My dear friend Racheal over at "The Trial and Tribulations of Racheal Santo" was back home for a visit and lets just say when she told me she was coming down I was so bloody excited to see her I didn't care what day of the week it was going to be, I was heading up to the city to meet up with her and catch up on some good times.  Mrs. Santo was the lady that got me into the thought of really losing weight and getting healthy.  She did it herself and done such an amazing job and she looks HOT now, not that she wasn't good looking before!  This gal is my rock, my motivator, my coach, and most of all a great friend that you can lean on for anything.

With having this girls night with her and my besty (best friend), I realized (or should I say re-realized for about the 100th time now) that I really need to do this.  I need to loss the weight and stay healthy, but most of all to become happy again.  I love these girls to death and had a blast, and I know they will always love me not matter what.  But with being the biggest girl there and talking alot about health, exercise, eating right, and everything else under the sun, I felt a little uncomfortable, to say the least.  How can I talk about health and think I know what I am doing when none the least I am sitting at 220 some odd pounds and can't seem to stay on track.  I totally know they weren't doing this to make me uncomfortable at all, and I don't feel one should change the subject of conversation just because of how I feel about it.  So this all in a nut shell, really made me think on the drive home that I have to do this.  I don't want to be the fat girl any longer at the table and feel so uncomfortable around such good friends of mine any longer. 

To tell you all the truth, because that's why I have this blog in the first place.  Its to make my self accountable for my many, many actions I take on this journey.  I feel like I let Racheal down, I don't know if she was expecting to come visit me and me be a skinny mini at all, and I am almost 100% sure she will give me shit for writing this!  But Racheal has been my rock like I mentioned above and has talked me through so much and helped me so much the last few months with learning about myself, fitness and health.  And now that I was able to talk to her again in person for the first time in months, I feel like all this time she has put into me has been a waste for her.  I know I thank her for every little bit of info she gives me, but why can't I keep up with it all and succeed?  This might not make sense to many of you and I know some of you will even think that I am trying to do this for someone other then me, myself.  But that's not true, I just feel like I am wasting some else's valuable time when they give me all this amazing information and I still fail. 

So now that I am starting to recover from last night, I am going to sit down once again and redo what I have done so many times already.  I am going to figure out a solution that can work for me and my life style and busy days.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that maybe this time I can really do it and stick to it, and next time I have the chance to see this pretty lady again, I can show her that all of her hard work she has put into me, is paying off.

Not only did I get a much needed time out from the family to let loose a little but I also got that kick in the butt I needed to keep going on this journey and one day (hopefully sooner then later) I will succeed.

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