Yes I was pissed off!

All righty, I know I have been missing in action all week.  It sucks thats for sure.  I must admit I had a week from hell, all around.  Emotional, physical, mental, and food wise.  I just plain old screwed the whole week (and not as in the bed screw either, that ain't happening right now!)  So, I was just pissed off at the whole world and myself that I just didn't care what so ever.  BUT, today is a new day and I am back ater, gonna do this shit.

I love how I play mind games with myself and usually they end up with me totally failing all around.  I took a great course this weekend, it was really pertaining to childcare and daycare but I got alot out of it for myself.  They taught and talked about a lot of nutrition, the food guides, food portions, exercise in toddlers (although they had us doing some of the games to learn them and get moving, and I tell ya, I was working up a little sweat and huffing and puffing).  How said is it that a 25 year old (me!) works up a sweat doing toddler moving games, it didn't include running or anything.  I know I am fucking outta shape when this happened to me.  I was disgusted in myself.  But after all that was done, I came home and did my workout!!!!  I had the house to myself (which nearly never happens) and I pushed my way through my workout and even went a little longer then usual.  It felt great after I was done.  But now 2 days later my ass and legs are hurting yet again.  One day this pain will go away....Right?  Please someone tell me it doesn't last forever!

Any who, I am back on that damn wagon that keeps hitting the potholes in town and throwing me off.  Today's a new day!  This week I am still working on getting that disgusting water into me, still am hating every minute of it when I am drinking it, and keeping up with my workouts also. Haven't weighed this fat ass this week, cause I was to pissed off still yesterday to do it, maybe I will get a weigh in tonight or tomorrow morning.  I am scared to see what I am back up to that's for sure.

That damn Wagon

So yesterday I fell off the wagon.  I am pretty sure I ate everything in sight and all day long.  I made a yummy healthy chicken veggie soup for supper and biskets to with it.  I am not a fan of the biskets so I thought I would be OK.... well I was wrong, I still ate 2.  I ate the veggies when I was cutting them up, OK that was a good choice in food but I also had two pieces of orange crumble cake I made for dessert along with the orange cream cheese icing I made for it, I had pudding, fruit snacks.... good god, I ate so much I really don't remember what I had.  How sad is that?!?!

I have been feeling a little blue the last few days, not to sure why at all.  I guess that's what happens with depression.  But while I was getting ready this morning I notice something else.  My ear had a big scab in it.  Now I haven't told many people about this bad habit of mine but like I said in the first blog, that all shit will come out. 

When I get stressed I pick at my ears.  I don't even notice I am doing it most of the time, until they are sore and bleeding.  I am not sure why I do this either, it doesn't help anything that's for sure.  Why would scratching my ears till there is no skin left, really help me out in a stressful situation?  But like I mentioned I don't even realize I am doing it, and that's what happened yesterday I guess.  I don't even know what I am stressed out about this time or right now.  Is it family, money, this weight loss journey, food in general?  Maybe that's it?  Maybe I was doing it because I was eating and I know I wasn't suppose to be?!?! Something for me to think about.

Is there anyone else out there that does stupid things when they get stressed out?  Or am I the only freak that does?  Really would help if I had better knowledge on why I do it.  I guess I might have to turn to my good old friend the net, to see some insight on this horrible habit of mine. 

Well today's a new day and hope I can get back onto this wagon and continue going on the correct path.  I have noticed I fell off now I need to get back on and stay on!

Resistance Work Out

I have had a few question on what my restriction band was and how it worked.  So I thought I would write a quick blog about it.

A Pilate's restriction band is a heavy duty rubber band to which you wrap around a sturdy pole (or for me my open back steps) and it works some what like a universal exercise machine.  Now don't get me wrong here.... it will not be the exact same workout but you are about to do lungs, crunches, flys, pull downs, squats, etc.  The more more to pull and stretch your band the more Resistance there is on it.  So the strong you get the farther away you stand from your stationary pole and the more resistance you will receive.

I enjoy the restriction band because it doesn't take up any room like a exercise machine does (cause I don't have any room to spare in my house!). Yet you still have so many potions for doing different exercises, you are not limited to just one thing.

My band came with a 78" extension bar that you can hook on to the band and use it with out a pole for squats, lungs, up right pulls, and shoulder presses.  Its amazing!! That's all I have to say.

I found a great website that I use to do a lot of my sets from : Band workouts  and I also use the workout sheet that came with the band.  I say for anyone who doesn't have a lot space in their house or whom might just be starting out exercising (like myself!)  its the best investment, OK one of the best investments.  You can pick up these band just about anywhere.  I got mine from good old Walmart and its was around $20.00 I believe.

I did it, I did it!

Yesterday was the big weigh in day again.  I was kinda dreading it due to PMS and I know I worked so hard all week but didn't feel so come Friday when my good friend should up.  To my surprise I was down..... down 3 pounds!!!! I jumped for joy that's for sure.

All that hard work really does pay off!!!  I tracked everything and eat healthy choices.  I am really enjoying the more natural way for eating.  No more of those processed chicken nuggets or pizza's.  Sure they are nice for a TREAT every now and then, but not for a daily supper meal.   At least not for this family any more.  If we are having chicken nuggets for supper it is from skinned chicken titties and homemade crests (or whatever you want to call the outside of the nuggets.)  I have a friend that posted a great recipe for chicken strips on her blog that we use often for suppers,  yummiest chicken fingers ever.  I have always enjoyed cooking, but for many years I slacked off on it, because lets just admit it throwing those "premade, processed" chicken nuggets into the oven was just plain old easy.  Well, it might be easy to do it that way, it really isn't that hard to make them from scratch either. 

If any of you have other great healthy recipes and would like to share them, please do!!!! I would love to post them too.

Starting weight: 245
Today's weight: 223.4
1st Goal: 220.5
Total lost: 21.6

Easy home exercises

Okay, so I have been doing some research on at home workouts.  I am not a fan of the gyms at this time and I know its something I really should over come, but that will be another challenge for myself in the near future.  For this time I have decided to try some work outs at home where I am the most comfortable. 

When in the city last week I bought myself a Resistance band, yet I didn't have the guts to use it until tonight.  Wow, what a work out.  Seems how I haven't done a whole lot of exercising since um....... grade 11, it isn't to hard to get my sweating and feeling the muscles working.

I attached my band to our basement steps and went at-er with the exercises that were sent with it.  Well, 20 minutes into my workout and my legs felt like jello and my face was raining.  It felt good to work out like that.  I have sat there on the comfort of my couch numerous times watching the "Biggest Loser" or "X-Weighted" and thought to myself wow, that is a work out they are doing.  Well, I was in their foot steps for a while tonight.  Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't working as hard as they were by any means.  But it sure feels great to actually do something like that for once.  (I might just keep up with this exercise thing!!!)

I also found a great way to really get those legs and butt burning, along with getting some abs working out too. And its something that 99% of you people can do in your own home.  There is no need for any fancy equipment, all you need is 2 face clothes or small towels and a smooth floor (hard wood, laminate, lino...). 

Here's what ya do:

Get in push-up position on floor, hands shoulder-width apart and feet on towels; tighten your abs so your body is straight from head to heels. Keeping upper body still, draw one knee at a time toward your hands [shown], moving as quickly as possible.  (This is also a good way to shine up those floors of yours!)  I did this for 5 minutes and thought I was going to die by the time I was done.  I kept going thinking to myself "Keep this up, you can look like the girl in that picture!"  Meaning the one to the right.

There are a few other great workouts with a towel on shape.com.  I haven't tried the other ones yet, as I am hardly able to walk after doing this towel exercise. I plan on trying another one tomorrow. 

Remember that working out doesn't always mean you need expensive equipment, it just means you need to keep you heart rate up to burn those calories. 

Homemade Granola Bars

So while in my kick of trying to cut out a lot of processed foods (not all but at least cut down on them), I was looking at the nutrition values of the granola bars I buy for m,y family.  I don't buy the chocolate covered ones any longer, due to 2 reasons.  One I can eat a whole box myself in about 3 days.... and no that's not the small box that's the value size box.  And two is one of my daycare children is lactose intolerant so I have to have as little milk and milk products for him.  So anyways now, I couldn't believe when you stop to read what is in these store bought granola bars there is a lot of unneeded shit in them and a lot has to do with packaging and keeping them fresh.  So I go to my good friend yet again, the wonderful world of the Internet and found some really good recipes for homemade ones.  I printed a few and did some work on the WW website to figure out values and what.  This one was one I mixed up a big and added a few of my own ingredients to help out.  The kids loved them and they are so easy to make and smell great cooking!


HOME MADE GRANOLA BARS

2 cups rolled outs
3/4 cup packed brown sugar (I used 1/4 cup and 1 tablespoon of splenda brown sugar)
1/2 cup of wheat germ (I bought bulk at the Bulk Barn)
3/4 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 cup of flour
3/4 cup of raisins (I used a trail mix that I picked up from Costco, but hell toss in any nuts or dried fruit, it will taste just as good)
3/4 teaspoon of salt
1/2 cups of honey
1 egg, beaten
1/2 cup of oil (to me that was a lot so I used a 1/4 cup of oil and a 1/4 cup of unsweetened apple sauce)
2 teaspoons of vanilla

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Generously grease a 9"X13" pan
2.  In large bowl mix all dry ingredients well.  Once mixed make a well in the centre of the mixture and add all other ingredients and mix again!
3. Place in pan press firmly and evenly.  Bake for 30 to 35 minutes or until golden brown.  Cold slightly and cut.  Don't allow bars to cool completely before cutting, or they will be to hard to cut.

Makes 24 pieces and is 4 points on WW new program.

Hope you enjoy!

Phramacy in my house

So late yesterday afternoon the little one and I headed to Regina for a doctors appointment.  We have both had this cold and congestion hanging on to us for a good 6 weeks if not longer.  I wasn't to worried about myself but with my son only being 10 months I just wanted to make sure is wasn't anything worse.

As we were there I had a number of other things to point out to my doctor about both of us.  So what was a trip for hopefully some sort of penicillin, actually ended up with us coming home with 9 different medications between the two of us.  Wow, now to keep them straight?!?!?!  How many to take at what time, making sure I use the right one on the right person, some has to be refrigerated while others can't be in any light.... the list goes on.  So out comes the pen and paper this morning and the schedule making began, and is now on the fridge so both hubby and I know and remember.

As our appointment was late afternoon, I was going to have supper in the city.  I didn't eat lunch due to this, I knew I would stop at a fast food place, seems how I don't like to sit in a resturant by myself.  After picking up the meds I thought to myself.... no, I think I am going to go home and have something, instead of eating shit.  Then just about to leave the city, I get a message from the husband saying "treat yourself to supper, that they were going to the bar for theirs".  OK well now I was trying to figure out what I should really do or where to go if I do eat in the city.  I decided to grab something quick and chose Wendy's as the place to eat.  What a fucking mistake!!!!  Any other time I have had Wendy's its been pretty good, but not this time.  My chicken on my burger was rock hard, I believe I had about a pound of salt on my fries and my diet coke was actually coke.  Now I don't mind the drink being wrong, it was nice to have a regular coke, seems how I haven't had one since I started.  But I think I ate 6 fries and just couldn't have any more (I am one that doesn't really use salt on or in to much stuff at all).  I chocked down the chicken burger and headed home.  I was in one hell of a bad mood after my experience. 

Once home I put way all my items I purchased and helped get the kiddies off to bed.  Then I was starving so I look in the fridge, nothing I want.  I look in the cupboard, saw some rice cakes, opened the package only to realise I bought the sweet chili kind again and not the ketchup....... these ones seem to give me heart burn that lasts for days.  So into the cupboard they go again.  I was getting madder because I was hungry and nothing looked appealing.  So I had a glass of water (yep WATER!) and went to bed.  I wasn't going to keep walking back and forth from the fridge and cup boards, to find nothing and end up eating crap that I don't need. 

I woke up this morning not to hungry and in a better mood, so lets hope it continues on.....

To call my own, I will

I have a car to call my own,
I have a house to call my own,
Not the parents, in-laws, or even the banks
I have a husband to call my own,
I have 3 great kids to call my own,
I have a cat and dog to call my own,
I have so many wonderful things in life to call my own.
Yet I don't have myself to call my own!
I hide behind the crowd, the clothes, the jewelry and make-up,
I know deep down there is the real me, the one to call my own.
The one to stand proud of who she really is.

I am embarrassed for my husband,
I am embarrassed for my kids,
I am embarrassed for my family,
I am embarrassed for my friends,
I am embarrassed that I let myself give into food,
self esteem, or lack there of.
I am embarrassed that I was lazy and lead an unhealthy
life style for so long.
I am embarrassed for myself.

I will over come this issue,
I will over come the food,
I will over come the laziness,
I will over come the self esteem problems,
I will over come the teasing.
I will become a new, happier, healthier, me!

Philly Cheese Steak Sandwhich

Well I made an all time favorite for my family tonight.  A meal that everyone will eat, even my picky daughter. 

With a little tweaking of an original recipe and some helpful hints from the Weight Watchers website, this sandwich not only tastes great but has about half the fat and junk as a normal Philly Cheese Steak.

2 cups onions, thinly sliced
1/2 cup water
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 cloves of garlic minced
6 hot dog buns
6 oz of fat-free deli slices roast beef
3 oz of reduced fat Swiss cheese
6 oz of reduced fat cheddar cheese (I sometimes just use the pre-grated cheese by Kraft, and skip the Swiss)
2 cups of fresh mushrooms (optional, but if I can hide veggies in meals I will take it! (gotta love kids))
1 teaspoon pepper

Preheat broiler; in large skillet spray with non-stick cooking spray once heated add garlic and saute for 1 minute.  Add onions and mushrooms cook for another 2 minutes, add water, mustard, and roast beef, cover and cook for 10 minutes.  Open buns and place on cooking sheet spray with butter flavor or olive oil.  Broil each side for 1 to 2 minutes. Add roast beef mixture to half of each bun top with an oz of cheese over the whole bun, broil for another 2 minutes or until cheese is bubbly and melts.  Close sandwiches and eat away!

Makes 6 sandwiches and if using weight waters it would be 7 points (on the new program)

Hope you all enjoy as much as we do!  Sorry I totally forgot to take a picture of what they looked like.  I guess I was just to excited to eat mine.

I made it another week

So its Monday morning and I just weighted in.  My normal weigh in day is usually Sundays, but I forgot to do it yesterday morning because I was up early trying to finish every thing needed for the birthday/baptism.  And well to get 3 kids, a husband and myself ready is alot of work some days, ecspecaily when you are the ones being the center of attention that day.  I hate being the center of attention any time, besides having to stand up in front of a church full of family, friends, and community members.

Now that I weighed in, I was happy with the out come.  Yes it was a gain but not to bad, after my binge of cheesecake earlier in the week and with a lack of balance the last 3 days.  I was up .8 of a pound. So that puts me back to 226.4.  Along ways to go for goal yes, but I will do it! 

I have set 2 goals this week (so far).
1: to track, track, track that food that is going into my damn mouth.
2: to drink at least half my water intake a day.

I say half my water intake, because I will admit it.  I HATE WATER!  Unless its a hot day (and that aint happening any time soon, when its like -40C out there today with the wind).  So I want to start my self out slow so I know I can do it, and then keep adding more till I reach a comfort level of my water  intake.  I know it show be 8-8oz glasses a day, but what if that's just to much for my?  Should I really beat my self up because I can't get all my water in in a day?

OK so the outcome of my cake.... I know that's what you are really waiting for.  (Screw the rest of my week!)  I decided to take a shorter cut and not make Dora right out of cake.  Yes its was still a cake, but I left the cake in the form of the 9" X 13" pans a cooked it in.  And then used the fondant to make Dora instead.  I feel pretty good with the outcome, for a newbie.  Everyone seemed to have enjoyed it, and were pretty proud of my work.  They still don't know how I find the time to make these cakes and all the other crap I do.  But I think to myself, I am up early almost everyday (5:00 to 6:00am) and if I don't keep myself busy I will crash and if I crash nothing will get done then.  And if I do crash, then comes in the eating of shit food that I don't need, like chips, chocolate.....etc.  You get the bloody point, something that an over weight blob like me doesn't need.

starting weight 245
now 226.4
1st goal 220.5

A deadly sin....

Well the last few days have been busy and the next few to come will be the same.  I am preparing for my daughters 4th birthday party and my youngest sons baptism.  Things means baking (trying to avoid licking the fingers), shopping for the meal and just gathering everything that is needed.  Today, I am attempting to make a Dora cake.  Not to sure how this will turn out, its a new cake recipe, and well trying to get this thing to somewhat look like Dora might not be the easiest either.  Stay tuned and I will let you know how that goes and try to post pictures too.

So yesterday was day two of my this blog.  I did well at first!  I headed up to Regina for some groceries and healthy food, also a dinner date with great couple.  I got to know C & D (I will not use really names when blogging, sorry)  while working at my previous job when living in Regina, we all worked together.  D was a true support and lean to guy when I was going through some rough times with my Dad and work.  He has great knowledge and is tells you how it is with out beating around the bush, yet at the same time can comfort you with the words he says.  And C is an amazing gal that has dealt with a lot of things in her life and still seems to find happiness no matter what.  Anyways, on with the meaning of my blog!!!! (I tend to get carried away with things).  I behaved myself all day, actually I didn't eat anything cause I wasn't feeling the best in the morning, so come supper time I was starving.  I ordered some yummy dried ribs and fries.  Yep, I chose fries.  Fries are my favorite food of all.  To my surprise I was able to stop at half my meal and not eat the whole darn thing.  There is a first for everything.  I got the remainder of my dinner boxed up so I could take it home to my human garbage can, aka my hubby (he will eat anything and everything).  I was so proud of myself for doing this, instead of stuffing my face till I burst. 

While all was good for supper, I made the stupid mistake of buying cheese cake while grocery shopping.  Yep that was the most stupidest thing I could do.  I got home unload and put the food away.  Husband and kids were already sleeping seems how it was 10 pm buy the time I got home.  I was craving this cheese cake all the way home, I kept saying to myself..... "you don't need it, keep it for the weekend".  Well, lets just say I gave into the temptation and had a piece.  Did it stop there?  Fuck no, I had another and another and soon i had 4 pieces eattin.  Why I did this I don't know,  I just couldn't control it.  In the end I felt like shit and was pissed off at myself for eating all of it. 

I came to the conclusion that I eat like this at night, late night.  I eat so much and I do it when the family is in bed, because they don't know I am doing it then.  I shove my face full of shit food and hide it from everyone. I even hide the evidence in the bottom of the garbage so they don't know what I have eatin.  How sad is that.  Well, I see what I am doing and I am going to change it.  I have got to learn that I am in control and not the food.  I have to take back my life and not let eating run it. 

This is one step at a time, whether its small or big it has to be over come in order to succeed.

 

The kick off

So I decided that enough was enough back on November 4, 2010.  I was tired of being the fat mom with no energy, no clothes that fit, and in one hell for a shit hole of emotions.  As of today, I have lost 19.6 pounds in my journey so far.  This journey is consisting of the Weight Watchers Online program to keep me in order, but also the fact that I am prepared to beat this fat once and for all.

All my life that I can remember I was over weight, as those who like to put it nicely.  In other words yes I have always been fat (I am not going to pussy foot around here!).  I was made fun of through grade school, high school, and even as an adult walking down the street or at the mall.  My all time largest was a topping 245 pounds.  How and why I let myself get this fucking big, I don't know.  Well yes I do know why.... I love food, I hate food, I have problems with food, I have shitty eating habits in numerous ways.  I am planning on tackling each and everyone along the way. 

This blog is going to not only my weight loss journey to a fabulous new me, but I am hoping to post recipes (the ones that I like and that turn out!), everyday mishaps and trails, and the great emotions that come along with a crazy shit full life. Yes this blog will contain some unknown "french" language and like I mentioned above, I ain't going to pussy foot around its all coming out. 

Please feel free to comment or e-mail me, with your stories, news, motivation, or whatever the hell you want to.  I will try to respond to any appropriate messages as soon as I am able to.