Monday, May 9, 2011

A comfort in an awkward situation

So as most of you know, I am kinda new to this small town living.  Not brand new seems how we have lived out here in "butt-fuck no where land" for 2 years now.  I have said a number of times, that I feel lonely, not knowing to many people out here and with being shy and well being fat doesn't help either, I find it hard to make new friends.  Any how, this past Thursday one of the gals from town invited me over for coffee with some of the ladies around here.  Lets just say when I got the call and invite, I was jumping for joy.  Just like a little school girl, no it might not have been a pretty sight, but I was HAPPY to get that invite.  So of course I went and really enjoyed myself, as we were all talking about children's clothes (seems how there was about 10 kids running around the house at that time) and toys, it was brought up that a large town close to the city was having there annual garage sale.  So once again they all decided to go, at first I didn't say anything, because I don't know these ladies real well and didn't want to intrude on their plans.  It just isn't me to invite myself to things, even if it is kinda an open invitation. Just when I thought that their plans were made and once again I was kinda sitting there on the back burner, one of the mom's asked if I would be able to come.  Wow, I know I got the biggest grin on my face when I was asked, and well if these ladies knew me a little better, I probably would have done that happy dance again. 

So the next day we head off for lunch and garage sale shopping.  I am not one to shop and when I do I really prefer to be by myself to look at things and what not, but there was no way I was turning down this offer to make some kinda friendship out here.  I must say I did have a blast getting to know this group of ladies, yet at the same time I felt totally awkward again.  Yes, I didn't know half the people these girls were talking about, but on the other larger side I felt the awkwardness because yet again I was the fat one in the group.  Here is a table of 4 skinny mini's, whom have all had children with in the last 18 months some as little as 4 months ago. That at their heaviest, soaking wet, would probably weigh the same as one of my thighs.  It just really bothers me to be so much heavier then others I know.  I can't go shopping with my friends and find those "cute" clothes because lets admit it no "normal" store sells 1,2,3 XL clothing and those skinny friends don't want to go into plus sizes stores with you.

So in the end, I had a blast out with some girls from around town, but at the same time it also made me realize yet again, how much I need to keep myself on track to lose this weight.  So I can become comfortable with who I am when I am around others.  These two days brought alot of joy into my life yet at the same time, I was totally outta my comfort zone.  I guess in order to make new friendships you have to do that, just like exercising, if you don't leave the comfort zone and push your self that much harder you aren't doing much good.

1 comment:

  1. My dear friend… you are doing magically on your weight loss. One thing I have learned is that the skinny minnie people of the world generally don't give a shit that you're not. I suspect if these ladies are inviting you out and about with them, it's because they genuinely like you and don't care if your left ass cheek weighs as much as they do! With that being said, I do sympathize and completely get where you're coming friend - small town living, trying to make new friends, clothes shopping.. I get it!! XOXO Love you most.