Tuesday, May 31, 2011
I am one lucky lady to have such a great friend to stand beside me and check in on me so often, even if we are hundreds of miles apart. I have a mother who is so supportive and knows the struggles of losing weight and how hard it is to do it and stay focused. My husband supports me in anything I do, and I love him for that. He says he loves me no matter what size I am and he will stand behind if I lose the weight or not. Its not him I am losing it for, its me. Its so I can be with him for longer and be a healthier me while at it. I know there is no guarantee for tomorrow if live but I can dream that we will grow old together. I also love the support I get from all you followers, whether its a comment for just reading your blogs. It helps me so much to know others feel and experience the same things as I do in this journey. Thank you all!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
So this weekend I am pretty sure I could have eatin a freaking horse. (Not that I would eat horse at all!) But I tell you I was so hungry and well as of now I still am. I don't know why at all, TOM is not coming yet?!?!?! But I haven't really caved in at all, a few crackers here and there but nothing huge at all, which is really good for me. Usually I would go ahead and eat like there is no tomorrow when I feel like this. Maybe things are finally starting to kick into me and I am getting on the right track for once and for all? I don't know, but I am proud of myself for not caving into this hunger.
Ok, well I guess I might know why I am hungry right now, I have started to cut back my calories from about, umm who really knows how much. Anywhere from 1500 to 1800 a day to around 1200. Its not something I am going to do for long, but I just want to see a good change in weight for a little bit. I feel if I do it to long I will start to seriously starve myself, but for a week or two, I am going to try to keep to the 1200 calorie mark.
I have found that one thing that is really helping me with hunger, when I know if I don't do something soon, I will be eating that whole bloody jar of cookies on top of my fridge. That one thing is warming up some broth and drinking it slowly. I have tried both vegetable and chicken broth so far (cause thats what I had in the fridge and opened on hand). Both are low sodium and it just seems to help take that strong edge off my hunger. No it doesn't take it right away but it helps me out for that time being.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
So for working life.....
When I have kids, which like I said is very few and far between right now, because my full time parents all work out side and well when your work site is flooded out due to water from the freaking snow we had all winter and then the bloody rain that seems to keep coming, it kinda hard to work. But there is the odd day in the week I have one extra little kiddy running around my house. I am hoping soon things will pick up again, money is getting really tight, and no so easy to pay off loans I took out for this daycare business when I don't have money coming into to pay them. Thank the lord, most of the loans were from family member's that understand and are willing and able to wait a little longer to get their money back. My I love my family, just hate the thought of having to keep them waiting so long..... any who this paragraph really has shit all to do with weight loss or anything in general!!! Sorry for boring you about all that crap.
At this time isn't all to bad at all. One plus on my side with the fucked up Spring we have had, I get to see my husband more then usual. Cause lets face it again, they aren't out seeding cause all of our fields are under water! So instead of coming home from his full time job in the city and have the quickest supper one could imagine and then running out to the field to relieve his dad for the evening, he gets to just stay home and help out with the kids. On the other hand, if (and that's the biggest fucking IF one could say) the weather co-operates we really wont be seeing much of him cause they will be working 24-7 to get those crops in. As for my own kids, lets just say they are keeping me very busy too. Both my oldest son and my daughter are in soccer this year, which runs twice a week, so that eats up a full evening, seems how we live a good half hour from the town we play in and they are practicing for an hour and a half. Good thing soccer season here only runs for a few months! It wears me out and I am just the momma driving not the kids playing. And wee one.... wow, does he get into mischief and keep me going too. He is just starting to walk and well, I don't want him to yet. He is my baby and my last baby, and he's just growing up way to fast for my liking. Along with soccer and running after the 14 month old, I am still tutoring my son on the evenings he isn't playing sports with his writing, reading and fine motor skills. We are thinking he is finally catching up a bit and hopefully by the beginning of next school year he will be right where he needs to be to start Grade 2 and not be behind. Its truly hard to deal with all this and not blame yourself on why things happen to your children. I keep thinking its my fault he has a learning disorder, I must have done something while I was pregnant for this to happen, or I didn't try hard enough to teach him when he was little. These are all things that have run through my mind the last while on why he has a learning disorder.
Weight loss and exercise life.....
Wow, now this is very time consuming! But I have been doing good and have lost almost 20 pounds in the last month or so. Now of course some of this has to do with a change in my medications but still alot has to do with excising my ASS off. I try to get 2 hours a day in for exercising, and lets say that ain't easy with a family of 4 and myself along with everything else that has to get done in a day. I try to do a good hour in the morning and a half hour at "quiet time" in the afternoon and another half hour after the kidlets are in bed. Now, before you go giving my shit again. I know its better to do it all at once to keep your heart rate up and going, but it just doesn't work for me that way. I get up at 4:45 am, already I am not getting up any earlier when I don't get to bed till 11 pm or later some nights. So, I have found breaking it up this way is the only way I can get it all in. And as for my eating, for the most part I am doing pretty darn good. I have stopped following Weight Watchers for now and I am counting calories in and calories out, which to me is just as time consuming as WW.
alot left at the end of a day to do. But I just remember there is always tomorrow for it!!!!
Monday, May 9, 2011
So the next day we head off for lunch and garage sale shopping. I am not one to shop and when I do I really prefer to be by myself to look at things and what not, but there was no way I was turning down this offer to make some kinda friendship out here. I must say I did have a blast getting to know this group of ladies, yet at the same time I felt totally awkward again. Yes, I didn't know half the people these girls were talking about, but on the other larger side I felt the awkwardness because yet again I was the fat one in the group. Here is a table of 4 skinny mini's, whom have all had children with in the last 18 months some as little as 4 months ago. That at their heaviest, soaking wet, would probably weigh the same as one of my thighs. It just really bothers me to be so much heavier then others I know. I can't go shopping with my friends and find those "cute" clothes because lets admit it no "normal" store sells 1,2,3 XL clothing and those skinny friends don't want to go into plus sizes stores with you.
So in the end, I had a blast out with some girls from around town, but at the same time it also made me realize yet again, how much I need to keep myself on track to lose this weight. So I can become comfortable with who I am when I am around others. These two days brought alot of joy into my life yet at the same time, I was totally outta my comfort zone. I guess in order to make new friendships you have to do that, just like exercising, if you don't leave the comfort zone and push your self that much harder you aren't doing much good.