Counting Sucks

So the last while I have been weighing and measuring most of my food that I have been eating. Which is great for me, but there is one little problem I still seem to be having..... I am not losing weight?!?!  I was getting frustrated over this and then my dear friend Racheal did her weekly check in with me (cause the little lady loves me so much, she keeps track of me!) and when she asked how I was doing I told her.  Well you all know what the first thing she said to me:  "are you measuring and TRACKING your food?"  Well sure like I said I was measuring that crap like no tomorrow most of the time, but I haven't been tracking my food intake lately.  This kinda keyed into me right away after she asked it.  How the hell do I know how much I am eating in calories if I am not tracking.  For a normal person this might be fine, they can eat what ever they really want, but for me its something I have to do.  I am not able to at this time, I need to keep tight reins on myself, till I totally learn how to control my eating habits, till I really learn how much I can eat in a day.  I know for many it come easily to them, but for me this journey seems to be a hell ride and hopefully one day I will break free of it all.  As for now, I have to remember to take it one day at a time and also that I am doing this to become a healthier me, not only a skinnier me.  I need to be here for my kids, my husband, and one day maybe my grandkids (that will be way in the future, seems how my monkey man is only 6!).

I am one lucky lady to have such a great friend to stand beside me and check in on me so often, even if we are hundreds of miles apart.  I have a mother who is so supportive and knows the struggles of losing weight and how hard it is to do it and stay focused.  My husband supports me in anything I do, and I love him for that.  He says he loves me no matter what size I am and he will stand behind if I lose the weight or not.  Its not him I am losing it for, its me.  Its so I can be with him for longer and be a healthier me while at it.  I know there is no guarantee for tomorrow if live but I can dream that we will grow old together. I also love the support I get from all you followers, whether its a comment for just reading your blogs.  It helps me so much to know others feel and experience the same things as I do in this journey.  Thank you all!