Friday, January 14, 2011

A deadly sin....

Well the last few days have been busy and the next few to come will be the same.  I am preparing for my daughters 4th birthday party and my youngest sons baptism.  Things means baking (trying to avoid licking the fingers), shopping for the meal and just gathering everything that is needed.  Today, I am attempting to make a Dora cake.  Not to sure how this will turn out, its a new cake recipe, and well trying to get this thing to somewhat look like Dora might not be the easiest either.  Stay tuned and I will let you know how that goes and try to post pictures too.

So yesterday was day two of my this blog.  I did well at first!  I headed up to Regina for some groceries and healthy food, also a dinner date with great couple.  I got to know C & D (I will not use really names when blogging, sorry)  while working at my previous job when living in Regina, we all worked together.  D was a true support and lean to guy when I was going through some rough times with my Dad and work.  He has great knowledge and is tells you how it is with out beating around the bush, yet at the same time can comfort you with the words he says.  And C is an amazing gal that has dealt with a lot of things in her life and still seems to find happiness no matter what.  Anyways, on with the meaning of my blog!!!! (I tend to get carried away with things).  I behaved myself all day, actually I didn't eat anything cause I wasn't feeling the best in the morning, so come supper time I was starving.  I ordered some yummy dried ribs and fries.  Yep, I chose fries.  Fries are my favorite food of all.  To my surprise I was able to stop at half my meal and not eat the whole darn thing.  There is a first for everything.  I got the remainder of my dinner boxed up so I could take it home to my human garbage can, aka my hubby (he will eat anything and everything).  I was so proud of myself for doing this, instead of stuffing my face till I burst. 

While all was good for supper, I made the stupid mistake of buying cheese cake while grocery shopping.  Yep that was the most stupidest thing I could do.  I got home unload and put the food away.  Husband and kids were already sleeping seems how it was 10 pm buy the time I got home.  I was craving this cheese cake all the way home, I kept saying to myself..... "you don't need it, keep it for the weekend".  Well, lets just say I gave into the temptation and had a piece.  Did it stop there?  Fuck no, I had another and another and soon i had 4 pieces eattin.  Why I did this I don't know,  I just couldn't control it.  In the end I felt like shit and was pissed off at myself for eating all of it. 

I came to the conclusion that I eat like this at night, late night.  I eat so much and I do it when the family is in bed, because they don't know I am doing it then.  I shove my face full of shit food and hide it from everyone. I even hide the evidence in the bottom of the garbage so they don't know what I have eatin.  How sad is that.  Well, I see what I am doing and I am going to change it.  I have got to learn that I am in control and not the food.  I have to take back my life and not let eating run it. 

This is one step at a time, whether its small or big it has to be over come in order to succeed.


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